School is starting soon.
Even though Fall is one of my favorite seasons, for the last few summers, I feel like I didn’t do enough to capitalize on this season…summer. This feels like strike 2. But it’s hard to put my finger on exactly why so I thought I’d talk it out.
Last year was one of my worst summers that I can ever remember. The biggest reason was because I lost my beloved Buns (my cat) after 16 years of amazingness. It felt like my heart was broken in a million pieces. Everyone that has lost a pet before, I’m sure knows what I’m talking about. When your little soulmate passes, the pain is palpable. For a while I couldn’t even say his name without bursting into tears.
To make matters worse I caught Covid right before school started which is school administration world is a complete nightmare when trying to prepare for a fresh school year. I got really sick and when I returned I had piles of work to complete in record time to get everyone registered and assigned for classes. I did it somehow, but I remember saying to myself that next summer will be different.
And it was.
This summer was so much better. I returned to things that make me…ME. I’ve returned to the dance studio on a regular basis. I don’t know quite how to explain this, but I will do my best. Being in a dance studio…the big empty space, a ballet barre, mirrored walls…feels like home. Creating dances is almost as natural to me as breathing. The look on my students’ faces when they learn a new skill…the camaraderie of moving together in unison…all of it. It makes my soul sing. Truly. It gives me energy like nothing else I can compare it to.
This summer I’m counting my blessings. We got 2 kittens that have brought a vibe to this house that I could never have expected. Two black and white powerhouse females have brought us so much joy after such loss last year. Even Mr. Hanum (my 18 year old OG) loves them. Speaking of blessings, I’m very aware of his age and I am thankful for EVERY SINGLE day I get another day with my gorgeous, handsome loving, very first cat of my own. The kittens will soon be one year old and this boggles my mind that time has flown so swiftly.
The love of my life (Kaden, my son) turned double digits this summer. My BABY is 10! This blows my mind that he was born a decade ago. He’s amazing in every way and life is so meaningful seeing things through his eyes. How did a decade fly by?
As a working single Mom, summers are just as busy as any other season for the most part. I still work 40 hour weeks for my day job and still create videos for my Kate Kaden family each week which is a part time job (that is on your mind relentlessly, but mostly in a good way). As you know I’m very grateful for it all. I’m just talking out loud.
I went to the beach exactly one time this summer. This makes me both sad and happy because last summer I went to the beach ZERO times. So that is improvement in a small way. The truth is Kaden doesn’t love the beach. It’s not his favorite place to be, so it’s not prioritized as much as it was when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I loved the beach and went all the time in the summer. I have also come to realize that not everything has to be the way I thought it would be. Sometimes I truly believe I am influenced by social media and everyone posting their trips to their lakes, camps, pools, beaches and beyond. I “know better”. But it still crosses my mind.
I watched my son perform on stage in 3 different shows this summer. Watching him in his element is another feeling I can’t quite explain. Pride. Amazement. Joy. Admiration. An overwhelming feeling that I want to cry with happiness. Watching your child do what they love with confidence is unlike anything else I have ever experienced. So brave. So willing to try. I can’t even put it into words.
Why does the end of summer always feel so final? The truth is it was a great summer! I was in a great mood for most of it. The energy was good. Nothing too crazy. It was a happy time. There’s really no cause for complaints at all. I bet you thought this might be going somewhere dark…but it’s not:) Sometimes all you have to do is talk it out and see that it’s actually not what you thought.
Fall is coming. All the typical things that make Fall …FALL really brings me excitement. The smells, the colors, the hoodie weather…I love it all. Getting back on an even tighter schedule is both a little bit of a bummer and yet a comfort.
Maybe summer wasn’t lost at all.
I get it! Summer is hot sunny days and pools and running around with sprinklers on! I didn’t run around with sprinklers on but maybe next summer 🙂 every summer is different and that is okay. I am sure next summer will hot and sunny and maybe I will run through a random neighbor’s sprinkler haha!
As a retired telementary teacher I so know that mixed feeling of going back to a regular schedule. The summers always flew by. I look back now and I am so glad I had that time with my daughters. Those are always some of my best memories..summers and holidays. Have a great year!
Kate…you inspire us so much. And you made me realize that even though this summer was lacking many expectations, it was way better then last summer. And I can be okay with that.
Maine Falls look amazing in movies. Your view must be great. We have a strange tree in the front and when Fall comes its not like the movies. And it rains a lot during the fall in Milwaukee. And we only get one last festival “Harvestfest” but the cool thing is its free to get in.
❤️
Hey Kate. Really enjoyed your post – such thoughtful musings. A good reminder that it’s ok to be a little sad at changes or not met expectations. And just as important to remember to be grateful for the small and big blessings. PS. You take risks and express your creativity in so many ways, guessing that is an awesome example for Kaden to express himself, too!